


sunflowers

by douniaguilera



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 07:30:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11203299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douniaguilera/pseuds/douniaguilera
Summary: shameless fluff hidekane. you are free to read this as romantically or no. hide is just a lonely sad boy who misses his (boy)friend very much.





	sunflowers

It’s always painful, having to watch an old friend from afar. Watching them moving on, bonding with new people, suddenly fitting in a place you have no room to be. All you can do is sit here and unable to do anything, quietly looking back at them from time to time. Sometimes, just sometimes, you feel so bitter and alone it almost makes you wanna act selfishly and try to get back to what it used to be. That’s the kind of thoughts that have been filling Hide’s mind lately. And he was feeling guilty for having such thoughts, but he couldn’t help it. It has been around two months since Kaneki began to distance himself from him, without any explanations. At first it wasn’t very obvious, but days after days, they met less and less, stopped texting each other (mainly because Kaneki wasn’t replying anymore, Hide actually spammed him quite a bit, but stopped when he noticed the lack of replies), and one day without Hide even noticing it, their bond died and became what they were now. Just as if they never knew each other, perfect strangers. Hide didn’t want it to affect him too much, but he cared too much for his friend to pretend he didn’t feel anything about this. He couldn’t pretend that it was nothing when he happened to see Kaneki sometimes on his way back home, at the Anteiku, being surrounded by all those new people that seemed to have become his new family. On one hand, he was happy about it, genuinely happy. Hide always had wished for Kaneki to open up to people, rather than stay isolated, all alone him and his books. He truly wished for him to be happy and surrounded by people he felt comfortable with. But part of him also wished he could have counted in the people surrounding him. He wasn’t jealous or anything, such thoughts never crossed his mind, he just wanted to be with Kaneki with those people, from the very bottom of his heart. Just being here, fitting here, laughing and talking about nothing and everything at once just like they used to. But time had passed and things had changed, and as much as Hide wanted to move on, he couldn’t. Call it whatever you want, love, friendship, brotherly affection, Hide had shared a bond way too deep with his dark haired friend to just forget about it. Actually, the blonde already gave it a thought, about what exactly their bond was. It was, he believed, something too intimate and deep to be just be given a name like friendship or whatsoever. It was Hide who reached out his hand for Kaneki back when they were kids, and, a little hesitantly, Kaneki shyly grabbed it. He grabbed it but now he has let go of it, leaving Hide behind, without looking back. Hide scratched his head, tired of thinking about the same things over and over, not being able to give up. He wasn’t used to deal with this kind of feelings, he who always was the cheerful one, he now had become the one who needed to be cheered up. And that’s also when he realized. People generally consider him as the popular and friendly guy who has a lot of friends, but actually, he just went along with everyone. His only friend was Kaneki and Kaneki alone. It only hit him now, that the one who was the most lonely and craving for affection all this time wasn’t Kaneki, it was him. Kaneki never asked for the blonde to be his friend, so far he just went along with the flow of it. In fact, the very proof was that the one left alone now was Hide, not the dark haired boy. Indeed, he even found quite the new friends. But as much as Hide’s heart silently ached, he was glad Kaneki wasn’t the one in his position. All he wanted was Kaneki’s happiness, and to hell his desires to desperately cling onto his old friend, he was ready to accept whatever would bring Kaneki joy, even if it meant not being part of his life anymore. He sighed at this thought, bitter smile on his cold face.

\- Ha, it’s cold now. Bitter isn’t it?

The blonde had been sitting in front of the coffee distributor for hours now, and it was already dark. He drank what was left in his cup at once, and stood up, heading for home. It’s not like anyone was waiting for him anyways, right? 

Just when he was about to go, he suddenly remembered the bags he had with him. Today was his birthday, and so many people from his university brought him presents. He felt guilty once again. So many people celebrated his birthday and gave him gifts, and he still was selfishly thinking about Kaneki. Those people worked hard to make his birthday a nice day, he didn’t want to ruin it all. 

\- Yooooosh! (he slapped his own cheeks energetically). Let’s go home and do something fun! No negative thoughts allowed today, Nagachika! he cheered up on himself.

He grabbed his bags full of presents, and walked his way home. 

 

 

************

 

 

\- Huh? Did I left the lights on this morning?  
He always made sure to turn the lights off when he left but well, sometimes he was an airhead (Kaneki always made fun of this side of him before), so he didn’t give it too much of a thought. He pulled the keys out from his pocket but when he wanted to unlock the door, it was already open. Quietly, he came in, suspicious. He slowly put his things down the ground and head for the living room, slowly, with caution not to make any noise. He couldn’t see well from where he was, but there was no doubt. Someone was in here. Thief? What was there to even steal here? He wanted to go further to exanimate the person’s shadow more, but not paying enough attention to what was on the floor, he walked on a water bottle, causing the intruder to turn back at the speed of light.

\- AAAAAAAAAAH! Hi-hide?!  
\- Kaneki?!  
The blonde recognized the other’s voice immediately. What the hell was he doing in his house?

\- And why are YOU surprised to see me in MY home? 

Kaneki didn’t replied for a moment, just as if he was trying to come out with an excuse. He was looking rather lost for words, and so for long, long seconds, all he did was stare and blink like an idiot at Hide, unable to speak.

\- I-I didn’t want to bother you Hide! I am sorry I just wanted to come here to do something and go back that’s all, I promise! It’s just that I still have the keys you gave me, you see so…  
\- Silly, I know well enough you didn’t came here with bad intentions. Could I help you perhaps, what did you want?

Hide laughed, a genuine laugh. His heart was racing in its cage, it felt like a dream, he wanted to go and take his friend into his arms, to feel his body’s warmth, making sure he was really there. But he didn’t move an inch, afraid to break the magic once he moves, as if just a single move would break the intimacy of the moment and make the dark haired on disappear forever. So he just remained here, standing in front of Kaneki, gazing at him lovingly, happy to see him again after such a long time. He wanted to ask so many things, but he didn’t want to scare him away with it, so he just remained silent and waited for Kaneki to answer his initial question. Kaneki looked like he was about to say something but he scratched his chin, which made Hide to say:

\- Hey hey now, don’t plan on lying to me you dummy, I know your lying habits too well for it haha.  
\- I didn’t- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come here I will go back home, I hope I didn’t bother you too much…  
\- Woah woah, hey ‘Neki, you never bother me, you know that? I’m actually very happy to see you ag- Hey what are you hiding behind your back?  
\- Don’t!-

Too late, the blonde boy was fast and already behind Kaneki. He quickly stole whatever the other had hidden behind his back and ran away. He jumped on the sofa, and gave the other a triumphant smirk. 

\- Hide I-  
\- My my, what do we have here?

The blonde finally paid attention to what he took from Kaneki’s. It was a long bag, one of those you only use for special occasions. It had a ribbon on the top, with an handwritten note saying “For Hide, Happy Birthday.” on it. Hide stared at the note and looked at Kaneki, as if to ask for permission to open it.

\- I just wanted to leave this here and go back, I thought you wouldn’t be home… I was sure you were going to be celebrating it with your friends… Now that you saw it I will take my leave, you can open it whenever you want…  
\- NO! I mean no, please. Please stay here a bit longer.

Hide’s voice sounded pleading, and the look in his eyes was even more desperate than the tone of his voice. But he didn’t, his most important person was here, and he didn’t intended on letting him go so quickly. Not now.

\- At least stay the time I open this, insisted Hide. Please. 

Kaneki didn’t even replied. He just nodded, fixing the floor. A gentle smile appeared on Hide’s face, thankful.

Hide began his unboxing. He opened up the birthday bag, to find flowers and a wrapped gift in it. He went for the gift first. A small note was written on the wrapping: “Sorry if it’s not what you usually like. I know nothing about stuff like this. Hope you still enjoy it a little.” Fondness all over his face when he read it. It was just so Kaneki to apologize over everything like this. A big smile on his face, he took the wrapping off, Kaneki anxiously looking at him. He let an “Oh!” of surprise when he discovered a pair of headphones (the ones he wanted for so long, how did Kaneki know?), and an album of one of his favorite band. And he couldn’t help but imagine a lost and confused Kaneki in the music store, surrounded by all those albums and CDs of artists he didn’t know. His heart warmed up at this thought.

\- Thank you so much, ‘Neki! I am so happy, really thank you very much, this is so great. I am very thankful for you to even have remembered my birthday.  
\- It’s nothing… it’s not much…

Bright smile still on his face, he didn’t say anything, because he knew Kaneki didn’t know how to take a compliment. He just went along and began to reach out for the flowers. He was about to speak up but Kaneki suddenly mumbled something.

\- What?  
\- Your hair.  
\- My hair?  
\- Yes.  
\- What’s up with my hair? asked Hide, amused.  
\- The sunflowers, replied the other, without leaving the floor from his eyes. They look like your hair.  
\- Really? the blonde started laughing.  
\- Yes. (Kaneki looked up to meet Hide’s gaze.) They have brown roots but yellow petals, just like your hair. It’s very alike. It has always reminded me of that. Also the flower language.  
\- What?

Having his hair compared to sunflowers made him laugh, but now he was serious again. What did that just now meant? Flower language? 

\- It’s just… ha forget it, it’s stupid.  
\- Please don’t say that! I want to know.

Kaneki began to nervously play with his fingers. 

\- No but really… it just came to me naturally… it’s childish I just, I don’t know, it’s just that it’s very much like you? They say sunflowers mean happiness and someone who is just as bright as the sun… I just… I thought it was the best way to convey my feelings…

 

Hide didn’t blinked. What? What was that just now again? He felt blood rushing down his body, so much on his mind but yet he was speechless. What to say? The silence began to feel awkward, and Kaneki, feeling responsible for it, broke it.

\- Ugh, I am sorry I know it sounds very creepy… it just came to me naturally I bought them without thinking…  
\- Don’t apologize! It makes me so happy you have no idea! Like seriously, it makes me so incredibly happy to know that you don’t hate me!  
\- Hide why would I hate you? I’m confused.  
\- I didn’t mean to be rude it’s just… Ha, you know this distance between us, we used to be glued to each other all the time before but you suddenly distanced yourself… I am not blaming you or whatsoever, it just I felt like maybe you came to dislike me.  
\- I would never not like you? (Hide slightly blushed at those words). I have no idea how you could ever say that Hide… It’s not what you think I just… I have important things to deal with and I don’t want to involve you in it. I swear it’s nothing personal, I- (and just here, his voice cracked down) I am so lonely without you Hide.  
\- Haha, what are you, a little bunny?

Hide wanted to laugh but something apparently went wrong as his vision began to become blurry, and his cheeks wet. Oh no. His bottled up feelings were taking control. Lonely? Who’s the lonely one here? He didn’t even know why he was crying. He just felt so relieved Kaneki genuinely still liked him, and cared about him, that all of his worries and negative thoughts that he had been thinking about for such a long time disappeared, and the sudden lightness in his chest was too much at once.  
Kaneki didn’t know what to do, he was standing here, watching the birthday boy in front of him crying without any restraint, not knowing why and what to do to stop him. Except, that sometimes, with some people, special ones, some actions come to you impulsively, and before Kaneki even knew it, he was gently, a little hesitant though, holding a crying sunflower in his arms. Hide immediately responded to the embrace, tightly grabbing onto Kaneki’s shirt, as if his life depended on it. Not a word spoken out, just mutual understanding. They stayed like this for a while. Time seemed like an eternity, fragile and so breakable. Eventually, they broke away, still silent. But the atmosphere was light, neither of them felt uncomfortable. They were just smiling at each other, glad to be together again.

\- Would you… go back to what we were before? I miss you ‘Neki, I really want us to go back to what we used to be.  
\- Hide… I told you I have things going on right now and I can’t possibly get you involved… Trust me I don’t like being without you (oh? Nice to hear so, Hide thought), but I-  
\- I won’t get in your way! I won’t question what you do, it’s ok if you don’t want to tell me everything. I am not asking for much, just, y’know, stupid things actually, like see each other from time to time, or just hanging out on week ends. I won’t try to impose myself in your life, I just want to be able to be by your side the more I can…

 

Hide had always been that shameless idiot, Kaneki thought. Who says things like this out loud, without a shame? He was so sincere it almost hurt Kaneki. He shouldn’t give in, he knew it… but things were the way they were and sometimes, to hell duties. He just couldn’t say no to Hide, not after what they both said to each other, not after he finally felt at home again. He didn’t replied immediately, and instead he went to pick a sunflower out from the bouquet. The dark haired boy, with a light smirk on his lips, aimed his hands at Hide’s hair, to somehow put the sunflower in his hair. He laughed at his own doing.

\- You are REALLY a sunflower! he laughed out loud.

Hide laughed with him, almost crying again out of happiness. He opened up his arms to Kaneki:

\- Welcome back home, ‘Neki.  
\- Thank you, Hide. Happy birthday, mister sunflower.

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday hide! im sorry this is posted a bit late.  
> i hope he spent his birthday showered with happiness and kisses. please love my boy he's so bright and warm.
> 
>  
> 
> i would love to talk about hide/hidekane/tg in general :D twitter @NAGAYCHLKA  
> thank you for reading me! ~


End file.
